The Slammer
The Slammer
© 2008 BBC


The Slammer - Episode 5
Series 2 - First broadcast: Friday 25 April 2008, BBC ONE, 4:35pm

The Governor is busy practising his Russian when Melvin enters his office. Melvin is puzzled and asks the Guv what's going on. He explains that today is the day of the foreign exchange. The Governor and some inmates from Da Clinkski will be arriving to take part in the annual Russo-British prison cup. The Slammer hasn't won in twenty years, and the Governor's not prepared to loose again! He wants Melvin to tell all of the Slammer's inmates that he's looking for the best two acts to compete against the Russians. "Remember, their release and the pride of the Slammer is at stake!" he tells Melvin. Melvin leaves the office, and the Governor decides to have a quiet word with Mr Burgess. He wants him to keep an eye on those Russians when they arrive. The Governor doesn't trust them.

Melvin's excited and rushes into his cell to tell his friend Peter Nokio the good news. "Get your puppets ready! The Guv's looking for two acts to be in the Freedom Show today and you could be in with a chance!" But Peter doesn't want to talk to Melvin. He's busy operating Charlie Chimp, who's got a nasty ingrowing toenail.

A while later, the Governor has chosen the two acts that will be representing his country in the Freedom Show. He's chosen the amazing Fulcrum and the fantastic David Burlet. "We don't want those Russians winning again, do we?!" the Guv shouts. But no one's excited. The Slammer will probably lose again.

"Uncle, uncle…. The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming!" shouts Gimbert. Some nasty-looking figures appear at the Slammer's gates. Vladimir, Da Clinkski's Governor, is happy to see his British friend again. The Guv isn't, however. Da Clinkski's chosen two of Russia's finest acts. Mika The Clown and Strong Man. He's quite sure about it. Russia will trash them! Whilst the Russian acts are getting ready, the Guv has a word with Frank and Jeremy.

Pete's still busy operating Charlie Chimp's ingrowing toenail when Melvin and him hear the Russians talking outside their cell. Pete can understand Russian, strangely enough, and picks up that Da Clinkski’s governor is trying to sabotage all the Slammer's acts, so the Russians win the Freedom Show. "Our Governor would never do that!" says Melvin. They decide to tell him.

But Jeremy, Frank and the Guv are plotting a plan of their own to nobble the opposition. The Guv doesn't want to loose out on that trophy again. Melvin and Pete, who are standing at the door of the Guv's office, hear about the plans.  Melvin’s not happy. "This is not what the spirit of entertainment is about!" Peter Nokio agrees they’ve got to do something. Melvin's got an idea.

Peter and Melvin are in the greenroom, where all of the acts keep all their stuff for showtime. "If we take it, the Guv's won’t be able to nobble them" Melvin tells Pete. But someone's coming! They've got to hide. Both the Guv and Da Clinkski's Governor enter the room. They notice each other and a fight ensues! Melvin interrupts them. "Hey, hey! What do you think you're doing?! Look at you! Have you both gone mad? The Russo-British cup is about bringing people together, not fighting over who wins! Shame on you!" Both Governors agree that they've been acting like fools. It's showtime! But who will win the trophy?

The Results:
Mika The Clown / 82.4
Fulcrum / 90.1
Strong Man / 76.6
David Burlet / 96.0

Don't you remember, Melvin?

Pete's operating Charlie Chimp

The Russians arrive!

There's some nobbling going on...

Melvin stops the fight

The two Governors