The Slammer
The Slammer
© 2008 BBC


The Slammer - Episode 13
Series 2 - First broadcast: Friday 20 June 2008, BBC ONE, 4:35pm

The Governor and Jeremy Gimbert are running through the Freedom Show acts. This week, the Governor has chosen junior rock band 3 Pin Socket, piano juggler Dan Menendez, balancing inmate Johnny Brenner and physical comedian Barto.

Then the Governor notices two police officers. He thinks it's a laughing policemen act. However, they're not laughing. They've come to arrest the Governor! Mr Burgess tells the Guv that he has committed a heinous crime against showbiz. According to the two police officers, the Governor was seen invading the stage of  the Royal Ballet, pirouetting into the prima ballerina, knocking the poor girl flying into the orchestra pit! Apparently, it took the fire brigade three hours to extract her from a tuba. The Governor tells the officers he's never even been to the Royal Ballet. But the officers have got a picture as evidence. The Governor's still denying that he's been to the Royal Ballet. He must have been framed! Mr Burgess doesn't believe him and orders for him to be taken to a cell.

> Watch: The Governor gets arrested!

The following day, the inmates are woken early by Mr Burgess, because the new governor is about to arrive. He's called Mr Beltham. There's an eerie silence when he enters the prison. The former governor wants to introduce himself his successor, but Mr Beltham doesn't want to shake his hand. He tells him he doesn't touch prisoners, because they're dirty, filthy, stinking, good-for-nothing scum! Melvin also introduces himself by doing a little dance in front of the new governor, but he seems to be terrified by Melvin's performance. "There's nothing I hate more than entertainers", says Mr Beltham. Which is quite strange, as he's now the governor of the Slammer! Mr Beltham wants the place to be run like a proper prison, where all showbiz activity is strictly banned. And he's even scrapped the Freedom Show! Mr Burgess is over the moon.

> Watch: The new governor arrives

A bit later, all inmates are in the exercise yard, lifting up weights and smashing up boulders. The new governor notices prisoner Menendez juggling. He seems shocked and orders for Menendez to be taken to solitary confinement.

> Watch: Juggling in the exercise yard

Back in his office, Mr Beltham is reading a book. But when Mr Burgess comes in he quickly hides it. He wanted to tell Mr Burgess about the new rules he's introduced, for the warders! From now on, warders' annual holidays will be reduced from four weeks to fourteen minutes, warders will be required to wear extra itchy hair shirts under their uniform, there will be no more afternoon tea and choccy biscuits and the governor will be able to wobble the warders' faces whenever he likes! Frank is shocked!

> Watch: New rules for the prison warders

Mr Burgess is crying when he tells the former Governor, Jeremy, Melvin and Pete about Mr Beltham. "I hate to say this, but the new governor's got to go!", he tells them. But how are they going to get rid of him? Melvin knows there's something odd about him. "Remember when Mr Beltham first arrived, I did a bit of a dance for him, and he reacted when he was scared!" Peter Nokio says that when Dan Menendez was juggling in the yard, Mr Beltham looked terrified then too. Mr Burgess adds that he just caught Mr Beltham reading a book called Cure Your Showbiz Phobia. Mr Beltham must be scared of entertainers! That's probably why he pretends to hate them! Melvin's got a plan. He wants all of the inmates to perform in front of the new governor.

Mr Beltham is terrified when clowns, jugglers and dancing puppets burst into his office. "You can’t be a governor if you're frightened of the inmates", Mr Burgess tells him. Mr Beltham agrees that he's not cut out for the job. Melvin finds that the best way to overcome a phobia, is to face it head on. The Governor decides to chain Mr Beltham to the front row during the Freedom Show. Melvin also finds a mask of the Governor's face and a ballet tutu lying around the office. It was Mr Beltham who framed the Guv! But now he's back, and it's showtime!

> Watch: Mr Beltham has showbiz phobia
> Watch: Freedom Show highlights

The results of the Freedom Show:
Dan Menendez / 62.4
Johnny Brenner / 73.2
Barto / 63.2
3 Pin Socket /  77.0

They've come to arrest the Governor

Guv Goes Nutcrackers!

Mr Beltham

Mr Beltham and Mr Burgess

Frank Burgess is shocked!

Mr Burgess wants the new governor to go

That's entertainment!