The Slammer - Episode
Series 2 - First broadcast: Friday 28 March 2008, BBC ONE, 4:35pm
The Governor is watching the news on the television in his office.
It's reported that tap dancing legend Lionel Blair has been sentenced
to ten years in showbiz prison The Slammer, for doing the foxtrot
in a chicken coop. "The entertainer was lead from Southampton
Magistrates' Court amid chaotic scenes. This is a spectacular fall
from grace for Blair, who was considered to be Britain's greatest
tap dancer of all time ever."
A while later, Blair arrives in the Governor's office. The Governor
tells him he's on top of his 'Most Wanted List', along with Tinky
Winky and Konnie Huq. "It's nice to be wanted, Chubby Chops",
Lionel replies. The Governor is somewhat shocked by Lionel's reply.
He didn't expect this to come from the tap dancer. After Lionel
got his picture taken for the records, the Governor tells him he
can't be in the week's Freedom Show, as he's already chosen four
amazing acts. Russian Bar, Gamarjobat, Black Room Jackson and Attila
Endresz will be competing to be released to freedom. But the Governor
is sure Lionel's chance to appear on the show will come one day
soon. "Wicked", Lionel replies.
Watch: Lionel Blair ends up in The Slammer
The Governor's quite a fan of Blair's dancing, so
he asks him to perform a small routine. Blair is surprised by that
question and gets nervous. "No, I couldn't possibly. You see,
the trouble is, it's the carpet! It's far too brown!" Mr Burgess,
who's also in the office, along with Jeremy Gimbert, is not happy
with that answer. "Too brown?! Who are you lad, some kind of
comedian? Don't get smart with us lad, I know all about tap dancing."
Mr Burgess has won an award for his tap dancing. He thinks there's
something a bit strange about Lionel. "I'm sure you could do
a little tap dance for us here in the office." But Lionel still
refuses to do so. "It's my thumb, I hurt it peeling a tangerine",
The Governor decides Lionel should be Peter Nokio's cellmate. Peter
Nokio and his puppet friends all miss Melvin, who was released at
Christmas, when his stage fright was magically cured by a fizzy
drink. Mr Burgess, Jeremy and Lionel arrive at Pete's cell. "Peter,
good to see you!", Lionel shouts.
Watch: Peter Nokio misses Melvin
There is something odd about Lionel. He talks a bit
like Melvin, and he even starts listening to Melvin's CDs. And he's
wearing Melvin' s clothes! "There's a reason why I'm wearing
Melvin's clothes..." Lionel gets interrupted by Jeremy Gimbert,
who tells him he needs to come with him to the stage, as Mr Burgess
has invoked section 12 of The Slammer Act. It turns out section
12 is 'Dance Club'. There's only two rules to Dance Club. The first
rule is that "you must dance". The second rule states
that there can't be any fizzy drinks near the stage. If Lionel loses
he gets another 10 years in The Slammer. If he wins, he gets a rather
lovely Teasmade. The music starts and the tap dance competition
begins. Mr Burgess is a rather good tap dancer, but it turns out
that Lionel Blair isn't! "There's a reason why I can't dance
as well as Lionel Blair. It's because I'm Melvin!" Lionel was
actually Melvin all along, in disguise. Melvin pretended to be Lionel
Blair to get back in The Slammer. He missed his friends. When he
read about Lionel in the paper, he took his place. No one knows
where the real Lionel Blair is though. Peter Nokio is touched by
Melvin's return. Gimbert is quite pleased as well, but Mr Burgess
isn't. He takes the party to the Governor's office.
Watch: Mr Burgess's Dance Club
The Governor is also pleased to have Melvin back. Mr Burgess is
still annoyed and has thought of a few extra punishments for Melvin.
"Harsh, but fair Mr B", the Governor agrees. The audience
are in, so it's time for the weekly Freedom Show! The Governor's
looking divine, as ever, as he introduces the four acts up for release.
Only one act can be released. The audience has to decide, with the
help of Gimbert's all-new Clap-O-Meter. The more noise the audience
makes, the higher the score. It was decided that Gamarjobat deserved
to be let out of The Slammer.
Watch: Freedom Show highlights
Gamarjobat / 89.2
Attila Endresz / 84.0
Black Room Jackson / 84.8
Russian Bar / 87.4