Sport Relief 2004
Dick and Dom try to get Ray Stubbs in the poo for Sport Relief
BBC ONE - July 2004
Gary: Right now we've got another little gift,
courtesy of the small but perfectly formed stars of CBBC on Saturday,
it's Dick and Dom! Hello boys, how are you doing?
Dom: Thanks Gaby, you're looking beautiful this
Dick: Mate, it's Gary!
Dom: Thanks Gary, you're looking beautiful this
Dick: Dick and Dom reporting for Sport Relief.
Dom: Yeah, we've been let out of our Creamy Muck
Muck filled Bungalow to tell you about a daring deed!
Dick: Yes, a daring deed, indeed! Because, ladies
and gentlemen, boys and girls, please welcome the daredevil that
daredevils like to call Mr. Daredevil, Ray Stubbs!
Dom: I like to call him Mr. Dangley!
How are you feeling up there, Mr. Dangley?
Ray: Slightly apprehensive!
Dom: Are you a little bit nervous or a lot?
Ray: A lot, a lot.
Dick: Tell me, what is Mr. Dangley going to be
Dom: All right then. Well, last year Sport Relief
raised Mr. Ray Stubbs into the air and then dropped him from a considerable
height and raised over a million quid doing it. This year we're
not gonna drop him.
Dom: We're gonna swing through the air towards
this huge massive giant gigantuane dripping cowpoop conker. Look
at that. A big pile of cack!
Dick: Don't talk about Ray like that! Time for
a Raymond review! How do you think you're going to get on this evening?
Ray: I think I like to get on with this now please,
if you don't mind.
Dom: All right, fair enough, let's just get on
with it then!
Dick: Did you know it's going to be very painful?
Dom: Let's just get on with it! Poor man. There
you are. If you would like to see these two substances collide with
each other, all you have to do is pick up your phone (which goes
just like this) and dial the number, which looks like this!
Dick: Ah, 08457910910. It's all over the place:
08457910910. And dial that number now!
Dom: And we're not gonna release Ray unless we
get over a million squids! So in the meantime it's back to the studio!
Gary: I can't believe you have thought of that.
Can I just warn you and your children: please do not try that at
home! If you can't wait to see Raymond in the poo, and I certainly
Dom: Hiya Gary, and welcome back to cowpoop conkers.
At the moment nothing's going down because Ray is still dangling
there like a couple of hairy plum tomatoes!
Dick: And likewise, our huge colossal conker of
poo is dangling there like ... a big conker of poo. Yeah thanks!
Dom: Let's recap exactly what's gonna happen, in
a moment Raymond "daredevil I don't mind heights" Stubbs
is gonna fly through the air and go head first into the conker of
poo. And I can't wait! In fact, I'm gonna pull the leaver right
now! Ready Ray, steady?
Unfortunately mate, you're gonna have to wait, because the benchmark
for this extraordinarely daring stunt is spondooly. We haven't got
enough of it at the moment.
Dom: I see, and the other reason I shouldn't be
pulling this just yet is because it's broken, it's just a comedy
prop! So come on, we need your money. We need it right now. And
whilst your getting your phone and making your call, here is a public
Dick: Oh yes, thank you very much to all of the
schools that have taken part in Sport Relief this year, including
all the little people and the teachers and not forgetting the Culinary
Challenge dinnerladies who managed to squeeze in the Sport Relief
mile while trying to boil your liver and spam lunches.
Dom: Have we got enough money yet?
Dick: No, time for another Raymond review! Ray,
how are you feeling?
Ray: Would "like a human conker" surprise
Dick: Have you ever tasted cack before?
Ray: Er, no.
Dom: Yes you have, because we've got the photos
to prove it and they're gonna go on the internet and ....