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© 2002-2006 BBC


Sport Relief 2004
Dick and Dom try to get Ray Stubbs in the poo for Sport Relief
BBC ONE - July 2004

Gary: Right now we've got another little gift, courtesy of the small but perfectly formed stars of CBBC on Saturday, it's Dick and Dom! Hello boys, how are you doing?
Dom: Thanks Gaby, you're looking beautiful this evening!
Dick: Mate, it's Gary!
Dom: Thanks Gary, you're looking beautiful this evening!
Dick: Dick and Dom reporting for Sport Relief.
Dom: Yeah, we've been let out of our Creamy Muck Muck filled Bungalow to tell you about a daring deed!
Dick: Yes, a daring deed, indeed! Because, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please welcome the daredevil that daredevils like to call Mr. Daredevil, Ray Stubbs!
Dom: I like to call him Mr. Dangley!
How are you feeling up there, Mr. Dangley?
Ray: Slightly apprehensive!
Dom: Are you a little bit nervous or a lot?
Ray: A lot, a lot.
Dom: Good!
Dick: Tell me, what is Mr. Dangley going to be doing?
Dom: All right then. Well, last year Sport Relief raised Mr. Ray Stubbs into the air and then dropped him from a considerable height and raised over a million quid doing it. This year we're not gonna drop him.
Dick: Right!
Dom: We're gonna swing through the air towards this huge massive giant gigantuane dripping cowpoop conker. Look at that. A big pile of cack!
Dick: Don't talk about Ray like that! Time for a Raymond review! How do you think you're going to get on this evening?
Ray: I think I like to get on with this now please, if you don't mind.
Dom: All right, fair enough, let's just get on with it then!
Dick: Did you know it's going to be very painful?
Dom: Let's just get on with it! Poor man. There you are. If you would like to see these two substances collide with each other, all you have to do is pick up your phone (which goes just like this) and dial the number, which looks like this!
Dick: Ah, 08457910910. It's all over the place: 08457910910. And dial that number now!
Dom: And we're not gonna release Ray unless we get over a million squids! So in the meantime it's back to the studio!
Gary: I can't believe you have thought of that. Can I just warn you and your children: please do not try that at home! If you can't wait to see Raymond in the poo, and I certainly do ...


Dom: Hiya Gary, and welcome back to cowpoop conkers. At the moment nothing's going down because Ray is still dangling there like a couple of hairy plum tomatoes!
Dick: And likewise, our huge colossal conker of poo is dangling there like ... a big conker of poo. Yeah thanks!
Dom: Let's recap exactly what's gonna happen, in a moment Raymond "daredevil I don't mind heights" Stubbs is gonna fly through the air and go head first into the conker of poo. And I can't wait! In fact, I'm gonna pull the leaver right now! Ready Ray, steady?
Dick: Stoooooooooop!!!
Unfortunately mate, you're gonna have to wait, because the benchmark for this extraordinarely daring stunt is spondooly. We haven't got enough of it at the moment.
Dom: I see, and the other reason I shouldn't be pulling this just yet is because it's broken, it's just a comedy prop! So come on, we need your money. We need it right now. And whilst your getting your phone and making your call, here is a public service announcement.
Dick: Oh yes, thank you very much to all of the schools that have taken part in Sport Relief this year, including all the little people and the teachers and not forgetting the Culinary Challenge dinnerladies who managed to squeeze in the Sport Relief mile while trying to boil your liver and spam lunches.
Dom: Have we got enough money yet?
Dick: No, time for another Raymond review! Ray, how are you feeling?
Ray: Would "like a human conker" surprise you?
Dick: Have you ever tasted cack before?
Ray: Er, no.
Dom: Yes you have, because we've got the photos to prove it and they're gonna go on the internet and ....

Sport Relief 2004